Emotional State of Matt #19: HOME

By the time I finished my week in VIRGINIA, I had been separated from my former partner for two years and without a HOME for a year and a half. Sure, I’d had extended stays with family and in Costa Rica, but that’s not the same. I’d gotten accustomed to the feeling of being unmoored, but it was starting to wear on me. 

After completing state #50, I was going be soul-tired and the best thing for me at that point would be to go home, not start looking for one. That meant deciding where to live. Although I absolutely love Portland and the Pacific Northwest, it felt important to make a fresh start with something new. 

I’ve had many people ask me if the purpose of the trip was to find my next place to live, and although that hadn’t been a consideration when I started, I had seen a lot of the country. One of my revelations from the trip is that there is probably somewhere in every state where I could live pretty contentedly. That wasn’t something I had been expecting. 

I had particularly connected with several of the places I’d visited including Pittsburgh, Roanoke and Madison. But there was one place that had remained top of mind since I had stayed there more than a year prior - Sandusky, OHIO. 

Since I had just been to Madison and Roanoke, I decided to spend my week after Virginia taking a fresh look at Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Sandusky. I booked myself an Airbnb in downtown Cleveland. After a couple of days doing drive-by showings in that city, it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t for me. Suburbs east or west along the lake didn’t feel like a fit either. 

I wondered if buying was the right decision. Perhaps it would be prudent to rent for a while to make sure I liked my new city. But after being so transient for so long I wanted to be settled for a while - even if it wasn’t my forever home. After consideration, the plan was to ideally buy, and commit myself to that location for two years. After that, I could always sell the house. 

It also occurred to me that just because I was setting up a home base didn’t mean I had to spend 365 days a year there. If the winters got cold, I could always go to New Orleans or Costa Rica for a month if that’s what I wanted to do. I’ve really proven that one of the joys of working remotely is that I don’t have to be tied to a single place. 

My friend Andy had put me in touch with Ben Ohlemacher, one of the top realtors in Sandusky. After living in LA and Portland the prices were refreshingly affordable. I was only planning to get a firsthand sense of the market, not make a decision. Ben and I drove around and saw a half-dozen homes, but nothing that really felt right. When we were about to call it a day, Ben mentioned there was a home so fresh on the market that he hadn’t seen it himself, and maybe we could get in. 

The moment we walked in, I realized this place was different. Houses in downtown Sandusky were built almost exclusively in the late 1800’s or early 1900’s. This house had been recently taken down to the studs and redone from top to bottom - not a flip, but a full remodel. 

There was a new garage (a rarity downtown), a wonderful kitchen (I’d been eating out for two years and was dying to cook), and a wonderful new primary bedroom and bathroom. There was even a picturesque Catholic church across the street. There was a deep backyard with a new concrete slab ready for barbecues and summer gatherings. It was four blocks from the Sandusky Bay (Lake Erie) and a 5 minute walk to downtown. It was perfect.

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Even Ben was amazed - “you just don’t see anything like this downtown” he said. It was only available because the family living there had to move out of state for work. I was in love. 

The next day I went to Pittsburgh and drove by several listings. Driving around the city, I spent a couple of hours tied up in snarls of traffic and wrestling with street parking. I had been living in big cities for nearly 30 years and had gotten a taste for space on the open road, so maybe it was time to try something different. I called Ben, told him to make an offer on the house, and to get the owners to cancel their open house. 

Why Sandusky? It had made a lasting impact on me, and all of my impressions of it the first time I visited still held true. It has a charming historic downtown, it’s right on a Great Lake, it feels like it's in the early phases of a resurgence, and it’s incredibly affordable. But what really made it stand out was the people. 

I hadn’t just met a bunch of new people during my week there, but I’d made true friends. I’d even stayed in touch with several of them. So many of the people I met there were worldly and interesting and had chosen to settle in Sandusky because they loved it.

After feeling isolated in my marriage for years and spending all of my time on the road, I realized that the most important thing for me in the next chapter was having community. And I felt like I had already met my people in Sandusky. 

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If you’d told me two years ago that I would be moving to Ohio, I would have asked you to share whatever you were smoking. Every single person I have told has responded with something between surprised curiosity and judgmental bafflement. One example in particular stands out. 

After driving all of my stuff from Portland to Sandusky, I returned the U-Haul. The person checking in the truck remarked at how far I’d come. I told him that I had just moved to the area. He looked bewildered, so I explained it to him. He signed the paperwork, shook his head, and said “Welcome to our shitty state.” And I partially agree with him. I have seen nothing yet in the rest of Ohio that would compel me to move here. But, as I’ve repeated to dozens of people, I’m not moving to Ohio, I’m moving to Sandusky. 

Ironically, I met this guy in Portland

I completed the paperwork over the next four states, then flew to Portland to retrieve all of my possessions from my former partner’s basement. I was simultaneously relieved to have made the decision and anxious about it. For thirty years I had lived in cities with millions of people and mild climates. How would I feel in a city of only 20,000 in the middle of a northeast winter? 

Had I made the right decision? When it comes to big life choices I don’t necessarily believe in “right” or “wrong” choices. But was it a good decision? Time would tell, and I had two years to decide.

One thing was certain: I wasn’t going to stop until I’d completed all 50 states. And now I could complete them with the peace of mind that once the traveling was done, I could go HOME.

Yes, and…

Matt